Thursday, August 30, 2007

You guys, I found me some kick-ass Return of the King screencaps.



Ever since TNT had a Lord of the Rings weekend last week, I've been LOTR Crazy. Those movies pretty much rock the house. And to all the Tolkien freaks out there, quit bitching at me. I've read the books before, but watching the movies is easier and takes way less time.

Actually, let me just take some time out right now to say this- I don't like reading. I use to be pretty embarrassed about this, but not anymore. Why should I be ashamed of this? Just because I'd rather watch a story unfold on a screen does not make me any lower than a person who likes to read about it. Besides, with the Lord of the Rings movies, 99% of the characters are hot. Even the chicks. It's nice to actually see them on screen.

Anyways.

So, I'm all LOTR Crazy. I watched Return of the King a few days ago (a two-day process) and cried like a baby. Let me elaborate- it wasn't just movie-crying. It was bawling, like, someone-just-cut-off-my-foot-with-a-chainsaw type crying. I don't know, maybe it was just an emotional night. But I cried a lot. Even at the end credits. (ACROSS THE SEEEEAAAA.... A PALE MOON RIIIIIISESSSS....)

I was telling a kid I know, but don't really like, in my Humanities class about my crying-fest. (He's a pretentious prick. What can I say? But nobody else was there to talk to and and I was bored.) The conversation went about like this.

Me: So, I watched Return of the King a few nights ago. Man, those movies rock.

Him: Have you read the books?

Me: Yes. So, I was watching them and-

Him: Have you read all of them?

Me: YES. Anyways, in the movie, when-

Him: Have you read The Silmarillion?

Me: YESSSS***. Aragorn is so hot in the mov-

Him: Unfinished Tales?

Me: FOR PETE'S SAKE, NO.

Him: Ha ha, see?

Really, who does that? Rain on my parade a little more, please.

Yippee for me finding screencaps. I don't really know what I'll do with them, but Yippee all the same.


***I lied. I haven't actually read that one. But he was really pissing me off, so there.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm sitting on the stool at my mom's candle store when I see a family about to step in. I get off the stool and welcome them. The two young kids enter first. The girl is whining about wanting to go on a boat trip, and the boy is just being rambunctious. I'm annoyed immediately, but of course, I act like everything is fine and dandy.

The mom enters and tries to look around at candles while watching her kids at the same time.

Finally the dad enters. He slowly steps around, and then sees the room where we make candles. I can see the sparkle in his eyes before he finally looks straight at me, points in the room, and says,

"Makin' candles..."

Of course, he's making a pop culture reference to the famous SNL sketch with Rob Schneider.



I cringe. My eyes open wide and I just try to crack a smile. That is one of my weaknesses- I cannot fake a smile. I'm sorry, but if you aren't funny, I can't pretend like you are.

I just have to keep reminding myself that there is some good in the world, despite the abundance of douche bags.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The next person I hear call U2 "over-idealized, pretentious crap" or anything of that sort is getting bodily harmed by yours truly.

I just think everyone should know before I go out and start kickin' balls.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Today was Freshman Orientation at my school. I'm not a freshman, but I did sign up for Link Crew. Link Crew basically just shows freshman around campus, and tells them school rules and whatnot. I had to get up at 7 am. That was completely new for me. I've been getting up around 9:30 this summer. When I heard my alarm clock sounding No Doubt's Are You Happy Now, I felt an overwhelming and slightly satisfactory rush of irony.

Earlier in the school year, we could turn in a design for Link Crew t-shirts. I was the only person who turned in a design. At the first Link Crew meeting of summer, they end up telling me, "Sorry, we didn't use your design. It was a bit too intricate."

Which, to me, is translated as, "Next time, don't work as hard on your design. Try drawing some half-assed boat lifesaver with LINK CREW written on it and a pirate on the front." Because, you know, of course that's what they used. A half-assed boat lifesaver. Whatever happened to artistic integrity? I took that shit off as soon as Orientation was over.

Good news, though. A girl in my class really liked my drawing, and wants me to design the Sophomore Homecoming shirt. I gladly accepted the offer. I'm actually kind of excited about it, because the Homecoming theme this year is Pirates on the Big Screen. Perhaps I can draw a pirate dancing on a float to Danke Shan, ala Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Okay, now that I see it actually typed out I realize how lame that idea is, but the main idea is that I'm excited to include some of my favorite movies. If any other moron in my class were to design the shirt, it'd be some stupid pirate screeching to a llama, "Tina! Come get some dinner!"

I like Napoleon Dynamite as much as the next person, but people, let's calm down a bit. Ever since that movie came out, I can't say "Yessssss" without someone thinking I'm quoting the film. Newsflash: THE WORD "YES" EXISTED BEFORE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

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In other news, the John Mayer concert was fantastically incredibly awesome. I won't go into real deep detail, but, here's a picture. Enjoy. (I give you permission to swoon, drool, and fantasize. God knows I have.)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

In Response to the letter I just sent that milk place. I'm glad the dude responded so quickly.

Dear Mary,

American Milk Products is not the Milk Association, we are a distributor and importer of milk products such as cheese, butter and dried milk products. I share your concern about the high price of milk as it has severely effected the sales of the our products. One of the main factors in the increased price is the use of corn and other grains for the production of ethanol. This has increased the feed costs to the farmers tremendously. The high petroleum prices also are a major factor in food production and distribution. All commodity prices are now related in our complex system. I am sure that in the future there will be much more concern about availability of agricultural commodities.

From all indications I can see in the reports I read we cannot expect lower dairy prices until well into next year and that might be in doubt.

All the best,

Raymond Stern


Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Raymond Stern, but I still don't get it.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Dear Milk Association,

I was at the jiffy store the other night, picking up a gallon of milk. A gallon of milk costed $3.99. I'm quite used to the price of milk, so I wasn't shocked or anything.

However, once I left the jiffy store, I noticed that the price of one gallon of gas was $2.93.

Then, I got really confused. Gas is a big deal here on Planet Earth. Countries fight over it; it's in really high demand. Gas is a very limited resource.

Cows, however, are not a limited resource. Cows are all over the place. So that leaves me wondering- why does a gallon of milk cost a dollar more than a gallon of gas? I highly doubt cows are going to become extinct anytime soon. I shouldn't have to pay nearly five bucks for some moo juice.

Sincerely,
Mary



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I really did email this to a milk website place I found online. I'm genuinely curious; I'm not just trying to be an ass.