Monday, June 25, 2007

Me: Hey, add Michael Moore to my List Of People I Will Punch In The Face If I Ever See Them On The Street*.

Mom: Michael Moore, why?

Me: Because he's Michael Moore.

Mom: Ahh, yes.



*other occupants on the list are Bill O'Reilly, the infamous judge who sued that Chinese/Korean/whatever-who-actually-cares-what-nationality-they-were laundromat, and Dane Cook**.

**Yes, I realize Dane Cook is a really funny guy, but I honestly think the douche bag needs to be socked once or twice. Get him out of his BK Lounge fantasy land.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I just got back from camp. It was fun. We went canoeing and swam in the lake and saw a raccoon and sang lots of fun songs. I really don't have anything to complain about, except for one thing.

I got piss-poor Secret Sister gifts.

At the beginning of camp, you are randonly assigned a camper to give gifts to. Well, the girl giving me gifts obviously had no sense that gift means "something to be appreciated" and not "crap you found at the bottom of your trash can".

I got: a crap mini-bottle of lotion that smelled really bad. (HINT FOR ANYONE ON EARTH: Bath and Body Works is like the Howard Stern of bath products. Nobody likes it, except for a small number of followers, and all of those followers are jackasses.) I got kind of excited when I saw I got a little mini-fan, but guess what? NO BATTERIES. Then I got a nail file. A NAIL FILE. No comment. Then, I got a little... paper... crappy... some folded-up shit, I don't know. She gave it to me the last day and I was like "Oh! Thanks!" She must have found it underneath her bed, some crap left over from the fourth grade or something.

And my best friend, the whole while was receiving boxes of RUSSEL STOVER CHOCOLATES.

I know I am being selfish and ungrateful, but I don't care. I've been holding in this giant complant all week long and I am releasing it now. Good day.

Saturday, June 16, 2007


Mmkay, so, why am I not attracted to Adam Levine?

The lead singer of Maroon 5 (a band that I'm not really a fan of. They had some good songs on their first album, but their new single is kind of weird) is cute. He is. I can look at him and see this. But at the same time, I look at him, and I just go "Ewww..." to myself. Does anyone else get the feeling that he is a giant skeeze? Like, after a show, he hooks up with two groupies in an airport bathroom, and right after zipping up his pants, says something like "Gotta show in San Diego tomorrow. Peace, gals, thanks for the jump start." I can just picture the rest of the band waiting in the airport lobby, one of them going "Where the hell's Adam?" And the other saying "Ugh, is he with the two whores we saw in the front row?" The drummer would just sigh, because drummers are like that, and he gets tired of having to deal with Adam's antics all the time. The other band mates were really hesitant to make a new album, but Adam wouldn't stop whining about it, so they agreed just to shut him up. They were originally going to film the video for "Makes Me Wonder" in New York City, but Adam thought they should film it at the airport, as a little thank-you message to all his bitches and hos. Once again, the drummer sat and sighed, questioning the meaning of life- or more, just questioning himself, Why am I friends with this asshole? After the release of their new single, the other band mates had all agreed to quit. They were going to start their own band, Aubergine 4, with the drummer as the lead singer, because drummers are cool and do unexpected things like that. Aubergine 4's plans with cancelled once they found out that on the tour, they'd be opening up for The Police. Damn you, Police, they all thought. Why must you be brilliant living legends? Aubergine 4 still plans to desert Adam after the summer tour.

But in the mean time, Adam is still a skeeze.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Anytime someone says that they don't like fart jokes, because they are "childish" or "stupid" or whatever I get a little mad. Because if someone farts and you don't laugh, something is wrong with you.

That being said, I bequeath unto you... Fart Lost.



I about peed myself watching this.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Okay. I totally do not like Fountains of Wayne, I want to clarify that right now. Ever since that "Stacy's Mom" song came out, I've been strongly opposed.

However.

I do love this song/video. I saw it on Vh1 this morning and had to watch the whole thing. I love the song- it sounds kind of retro and it's ironically upbeat. The video rocks. The bits with the band in it, with all the cheesy colorful lights in the background makes me laugh. And the best part? Demetri Martin is in it. He's one of my favorite comedians.

Also, I like songs that tell action, exactly what's going on. And this one tells that Demetri puts Coldplay on. (COLDPLAY ROCKS.)

By the end of this three-and-a-half minute song, you're rooting for Demetri and the girl to get together! It's ridiculous! It's melancholy, bittersweet, and really awesome. Watch it.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

I'm not one to blog about Hollywood-gossip type crap, but I just have to say:


Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are the weirdest, cutest couple ever.

That's all.