Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
I love Vault energy soda.
I love pretty much everything about it: the taste, the after-effects, the price. I've tried a few energy drinks, and Vault is the only one that doesn't leave a weird taste in my mouth or make me pass out. I hate Red Bull; I think it tastes about the same as someone sticking their foot in your mouth. (Literally, not metaphorically.) Rockstar energy drink smells delicious, but if I drank an entire can of that stuff, I'd probably end up dancing naked on the imaginary rainbow that smashed through my window.
I like soda, which is probably the main reason I like Vault. I drink a lot of soda- too much, actually. I'm positive that if I didn't drink so much of it, I'd be twenty pounds lighter. (And no, I don't drink that diet watered-down syrupy excuse for soda.) However, soda, like many other foods and drinks, gives me bad ass heartburn. (Chinese food is magnificent, but 90% of the time, I end up curled up in the fetal position on my couch moaning in pain after my chicken lo mein digests.) Root beer and I do not get along. Pepsi makes me feel a little icky, too. I usually ignore it with soda, though, because soda is just too delicious to just not drink only because my stomach aches a little.
I once drank six bottles of orange soda at a friend's birthday and threw up, and had to leave. (Aren't I a wonderful pal?) This was a few years ago. Now, if I seriously try, I can deal with such situations. Toss me eleven Cokes and I'll chug em like nothing else.
Anyway, my point is, Vault doesn't give me heartburn.
Even the Vault commercial is awesome. "Drinks like a soda, kicks like an energy drink", then some guy screams "VAULT!!!"
I drank one Vault soda at 9 pm one time and was up until 4 am. I could've stayed up longer, too, but nothing was on television and I was bored. So let's break this down:
I was up for around seven hours- 420 minutes. There are 20 ounces in a bottle of Vault. That's 21 minutes of energy in one ounce of Vault. Screw physics and dogs dialing 911 when their owners have a stroke, that kind of stuff blows my mind. They need to market Vault in tiny, one ounce containers, for when you just need 20 more minutes of energy to finish a term paper, or you could down 3 of those babies to stay awake in church.
I get Vault from either Publix or the local candy store. One bottle is usually $1.20 or so. More breaking down- that's 6 cents for one ounce. 6 cents for 21 minutes of energy. I don't need drugs- I can just drink ten bottles of Vault and I will get the same effect.
*This post brought to you by Vault Energy Soda, my iPod (which, coincidentally, is playing "After Midnight" by Eric Clapton), and Late Night with Conan O'Brien- three great ingredients to keep you up at night.