Friday, November 16, 2007



My new favorite show on television is Chuck.

It is awesome. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't enjoy it. It's got action, a teensy bit of drama, and comedy. And fictional characters to pair up and squee every time you see them together. LIKE IN THE VIDEO ABOVE.

I don't know what it is with me, but I'm very prone to the act of shipping. I do it on Lost, The Office, Bones, and probably some others I'm forgetting. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not a romantic person at all in real life, so I transferred that over to fiction? I don't know. But now Chuck has roped me into all the goodness that is Chuck/Sarah.

Luckily Chuck has 13 episodes locked in to air. If the writers' strike ends soon, maybe there won't have to be a waiting period for more episodes. Which brings me to my next point:

If you are not liking the strike as much as I am, take some initiative and write a letter. Write a letter to the President and CEO of NBC/Universal, Jeff Zucker, explaining how much the strike sucks, why the writers should be fairly compensated, and how if they put in replacement programming, you won't watch. The address is:

Jeff Zucker
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY
10112

It took me practically five minutes to write and mail the letter. Do your part, make the call to action!

And watch Chuck.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

When I was in seventh grade, I had to have my tonsils removed. It sucked. I couldn't eat any crunchy or rough-textured foods, my throat hurt constantly, my ears were in pain, I developed a disturbing addiction to a liquid painkiller called Lortab- let's just say I wouldn't ever want to go through it again.

So for two weeks, I ate Jell-O, pudding, bananas, and macaroni and cheese. A lot of macaroni and cheese.

After a while, my mom got tired of making a whole pot of mac-and-cheese, so she bought microwavable Easy-Mac. I ate Easy-Mac for the majority of the two weeks. Even after my throat was fully healed, I still ate Easy-Mac, because I was just so used to eating it. So my dad started buying it every time he went to the grocery store.

This was cool. For a while.

After about 6 months of Easy-Mac, I told him, "You don't have to buy me it anymore." But I guess he had grown used to buying it, and he didn't really remember me ever telling him not to buy it anymore.

3 years after the tonsillectomy, my father still purchases Easy-Mac from the store.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The other day I walked into the living room to watch television. Against the laundry room door leaned two bags; one filled with cat food, the other with dog food. I'm guessing my dad had just gone to the grocery store and picked it up.

I sat on the couch and before I turned on the TV, I heard the cats* running into the room. Immediately they sensed something was different. After poking around a bit, they realized they were smelling the bags of food. They started pawing at the bags. My first instinct was the pull them away and put up the bags, but I thought, "Let's see what they can do."

After about ten minutes, they managed to pull down the bag of Pedigree dog food, claw at it viciously, rip it with their teeth, and break open a hole in the bag. They then proceeded to stick their paws in the hole and fling out pieces of food to eat.


video


The white cat is Hurley, and the brown one is Elwood. I should mention that Elwood is a fat slob with a gut that doesn't need to be eating any extra food. Here's some photographic evidence:



The fatso can actually sit upright like that. And not fall over. You know how they say cats always land on their feet? I think if Elwood was ever dropped off a roof, science would have a new discovery.


Incredibly smart? Or incredibly hungry?


*Normally you cannot hear cats coming into a room, but Elwood is SO FAT that you can hear his individual footsteps. (pawsteps?)

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I added a simple lil video player at the bottom of this blog. Scroll on down. Get some culture. Enlighten your mind.

I've also played with some new colors and junk.

Just some results of a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do.
The new header was made last night, at a huge school rival football game. (We won, 31-0. It feels nice to win, even if I don't care all that much.)

I now realize, looking at the header, how awkward it looks for me to have a knit rasta cap and rainbow scarf on, and the words "stuck in Florida" next to it. Last night it got cold, though. And by "cold", I mean "somewhere in the lower 60s". (Any excuse to where my knit caps and scarf, y'know?)

The whole picture was actually this:

Thursday, November 01, 2007

KICKIN' OFF NaBloPoMo. (National Blog Post Month.)

HELL YES.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


I was folding clothes the other day, and as I folded my Hurley brand shirt in half, I noticed this little message on the back of the tag.

Isn't that awesome? All shirts should do this kind of thing.

Monday, October 29, 2007



I created my own little promo for The Office.

Enjoy!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I changed the top of the blog. New picture.

I don't know why I haven't done it before, it was fun and easy to make.

I'll probably change it periodically.

That's all for now.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I get really crazy around autumn. The cool weather makes me really happy and excited. You get to LAYER, you guys. That's right, it's time to LAYER. Throw all your shirts and sweaters and boots on and ohhhhh. I salivate at the thought of wintery clothes.

It sucks that I live in Florida. It can get pretty damn cold, but I don't get to layer as much as people up North do. I'm one of those strange teenagers that absolutely loves cardigans and turtleneck sweaters. I don't see why so many people my age are "Ackk!!! Soft, cozy fabric! It covers my neck and makes me look old-ladyish!" NO, you guys. No. Sweaters are the best thing ever. Everyone can wear a sweater and look great. You can be fat or skinny, short or tall, it doesn't matter. Sweaters do not judge. They love everyone equally. They don't make you look frumpy, either. Everyone assumes they do, because they look bad on hangers. Hangers make the sweaters look saggy sometimes, but REALLY, sweaters hug you in all the right places and they are snuggly and perfect. And back to turtlenecks- I can see why some people don't like turtlenecks. I agree, they can make you look goofy. But they can also make you look awesome. If you throw on a dark gray turtleneck with some dark jeans, you can look so bad-ass. Like some writer or something, but not the douchey kinds that hang out at Starbucks to work on their manuscript, you know? Turtlenecks make you look smarter and more mature. I swear. I would not lie about stuff like this.

My dream is to move to Chicago. One of the reasons is because up there, it gets really cold. REALLY cold. Cold enough to wear KICK-ASS TRENCH COATS.



Anyways, I periodically go to Old Navy's website to browse, and about went apeshit when I saw today that they are having a huge Autumn sale. Autumn sales are absolutely the best kinds. Companies think that moving from Autumn to Winter means whole new wardrobe- which is ridiculous, in my opinion. You wear pretty much the same stuff. But not to retailers. They load up all their Autumn stuff and jack down those prices. Stuff for like, five dollars! It is incredible!

Plus, Old Navy is the SHIT. They have stuff for everyone, from fatties to anorexic people. Their advertisements on TV are cool. And the prices are rock and roll.

Go to Old Navy right now. Don't miss your opportunity to get some cheap, awesome winter clothing.

Saturday, October 06, 2007



My friend and I have been working on this video for a while now. It's 13 minutes long, so I couldn't put it on Youtube. We think it's hilarious, but that's just us. If you're willing to wait a while for it to load, check it out!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I've had my digital wrist watch for a while. After 4 years of wear and tear, it is finally broken.



The above video was the final activity ever seen on the watch. In fact, after the taping of said video, the watch started beeping, and didn't stop for 3 whole class periods. I jumped on it, ran hot water over it, slammed it against the ground, nothing. It just had to die on its own.

Watch, we've had good times. You've told me how many minutes until the bell rings; you've provided an accurate stopwatch. But after 4 years, your untimely death was expected. I hope you are happy in Watch Heaven.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

You guys, I found me some kick-ass Return of the King screencaps.



Ever since TNT had a Lord of the Rings weekend last week, I've been LOTR Crazy. Those movies pretty much rock the house. And to all the Tolkien freaks out there, quit bitching at me. I've read the books before, but watching the movies is easier and takes way less time.

Actually, let me just take some time out right now to say this- I don't like reading. I use to be pretty embarrassed about this, but not anymore. Why should I be ashamed of this? Just because I'd rather watch a story unfold on a screen does not make me any lower than a person who likes to read about it. Besides, with the Lord of the Rings movies, 99% of the characters are hot. Even the chicks. It's nice to actually see them on screen.

Anyways.

So, I'm all LOTR Crazy. I watched Return of the King a few days ago (a two-day process) and cried like a baby. Let me elaborate- it wasn't just movie-crying. It was bawling, like, someone-just-cut-off-my-foot-with-a-chainsaw type crying. I don't know, maybe it was just an emotional night. But I cried a lot. Even at the end credits. (ACROSS THE SEEEEAAAA.... A PALE MOON RIIIIIISESSSS....)

I was telling a kid I know, but don't really like, in my Humanities class about my crying-fest. (He's a pretentious prick. What can I say? But nobody else was there to talk to and and I was bored.) The conversation went about like this.

Me: So, I watched Return of the King a few nights ago. Man, those movies rock.

Him: Have you read the books?

Me: Yes. So, I was watching them and-

Him: Have you read all of them?

Me: YES. Anyways, in the movie, when-

Him: Have you read The Silmarillion?

Me: YESSSS***. Aragorn is so hot in the mov-

Him: Unfinished Tales?

Me: FOR PETE'S SAKE, NO.

Him: Ha ha, see?

Really, who does that? Rain on my parade a little more, please.

Yippee for me finding screencaps. I don't really know what I'll do with them, but Yippee all the same.


***I lied. I haven't actually read that one. But he was really pissing me off, so there.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm sitting on the stool at my mom's candle store when I see a family about to step in. I get off the stool and welcome them. The two young kids enter first. The girl is whining about wanting to go on a boat trip, and the boy is just being rambunctious. I'm annoyed immediately, but of course, I act like everything is fine and dandy.

The mom enters and tries to look around at candles while watching her kids at the same time.

Finally the dad enters. He slowly steps around, and then sees the room where we make candles. I can see the sparkle in his eyes before he finally looks straight at me, points in the room, and says,

"Makin' candles..."

Of course, he's making a pop culture reference to the famous SNL sketch with Rob Schneider.



I cringe. My eyes open wide and I just try to crack a smile. That is one of my weaknesses- I cannot fake a smile. I'm sorry, but if you aren't funny, I can't pretend like you are.

I just have to keep reminding myself that there is some good in the world, despite the abundance of douche bags.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The next person I hear call U2 "over-idealized, pretentious crap" or anything of that sort is getting bodily harmed by yours truly.

I just think everyone should know before I go out and start kickin' balls.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Today was Freshman Orientation at my school. I'm not a freshman, but I did sign up for Link Crew. Link Crew basically just shows freshman around campus, and tells them school rules and whatnot. I had to get up at 7 am. That was completely new for me. I've been getting up around 9:30 this summer. When I heard my alarm clock sounding No Doubt's Are You Happy Now, I felt an overwhelming and slightly satisfactory rush of irony.

Earlier in the school year, we could turn in a design for Link Crew t-shirts. I was the only person who turned in a design. At the first Link Crew meeting of summer, they end up telling me, "Sorry, we didn't use your design. It was a bit too intricate."

Which, to me, is translated as, "Next time, don't work as hard on your design. Try drawing some half-assed boat lifesaver with LINK CREW written on it and a pirate on the front." Because, you know, of course that's what they used. A half-assed boat lifesaver. Whatever happened to artistic integrity? I took that shit off as soon as Orientation was over.

Good news, though. A girl in my class really liked my drawing, and wants me to design the Sophomore Homecoming shirt. I gladly accepted the offer. I'm actually kind of excited about it, because the Homecoming theme this year is Pirates on the Big Screen. Perhaps I can draw a pirate dancing on a float to Danke Shan, ala Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Okay, now that I see it actually typed out I realize how lame that idea is, but the main idea is that I'm excited to include some of my favorite movies. If any other moron in my class were to design the shirt, it'd be some stupid pirate screeching to a llama, "Tina! Come get some dinner!"

I like Napoleon Dynamite as much as the next person, but people, let's calm down a bit. Ever since that movie came out, I can't say "Yessssss" without someone thinking I'm quoting the film. Newsflash: THE WORD "YES" EXISTED BEFORE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

---

In other news, the John Mayer concert was fantastically incredibly awesome. I won't go into real deep detail, but, here's a picture. Enjoy. (I give you permission to swoon, drool, and fantasize. God knows I have.)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

In Response to the letter I just sent that milk place. I'm glad the dude responded so quickly.

Dear Mary,

American Milk Products is not the Milk Association, we are a distributor and importer of milk products such as cheese, butter and dried milk products. I share your concern about the high price of milk as it has severely effected the sales of the our products. One of the main factors in the increased price is the use of corn and other grains for the production of ethanol. This has increased the feed costs to the farmers tremendously. The high petroleum prices also are a major factor in food production and distribution. All commodity prices are now related in our complex system. I am sure that in the future there will be much more concern about availability of agricultural commodities.

From all indications I can see in the reports I read we cannot expect lower dairy prices until well into next year and that might be in doubt.

All the best,

Raymond Stern


Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Raymond Stern, but I still don't get it.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Dear Milk Association,

I was at the jiffy store the other night, picking up a gallon of milk. A gallon of milk costed $3.99. I'm quite used to the price of milk, so I wasn't shocked or anything.

However, once I left the jiffy store, I noticed that the price of one gallon of gas was $2.93.

Then, I got really confused. Gas is a big deal here on Planet Earth. Countries fight over it; it's in really high demand. Gas is a very limited resource.

Cows, however, are not a limited resource. Cows are all over the place. So that leaves me wondering- why does a gallon of milk cost a dollar more than a gallon of gas? I highly doubt cows are going to become extinct anytime soon. I shouldn't have to pay nearly five bucks for some moo juice.

Sincerely,
Mary



--------

I really did email this to a milk website place I found online. I'm genuinely curious; I'm not just trying to be an ass.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Oh, I also wanted to mention that I just got a brand spankin' new digital camera; a green HP Photosmart. I love it. I'm calling it Greenie.

Much to my surprise, it records video WITH sound! So now I won't only have excellent photos from my upcoming John Mayer Hot-lanta Festival, I'll have video clips with sound.

I have a Youtube account now. My name is starr3d if you want to check out me and my craziness. I have 3 videos up there currently. I hope to get up some more soon.

I saw a chick wearing this shirt earlier today. I immediately laughed and told her I like it.

Now I really, really want it.

Thursday, July 26, 2007



Best commercial ever, hands down. No pun intended.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Well, I'm a nerd.

I'm an all-out nerd.

I bought the new Harry Potter.


I don't know why. I couldn't help myself.

Well, I'm off to find out what happens with the wizard and the witches and all that.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Whoa, end-of-the-world type weather here in Florida. You know what I mean- sunny and hot one minute, then God-is-pissed type rain and lightning.

I'm safe inside with a computer with DSL interwebz. I'm happy. (That is, until lightning strikes the computer or something.)

After the 28th, I don't work anymore. Then, the first weekend in August is the best day of my life (John Mayer fifth row sexiness), the 10th of August I have a Link Crew meeting for school, and the 20th school starts back up.

Time is going by way too fast.

I need to write or draw something. What happened to me? In fourth/fifth grade, I was such a good writer. I could think up weird-ass narrative topics, but make such a kick-ass story. I hate our school system. After fifth grade, they totally quit all the Writing Education.

(WHOA, MAJOR LIGHTNING + THUNDER BOOM. OK, seriously getting freaked out now. I hope I don't get electrocuted and die before my John Mayer concert. Everytime lightning strikes or thunder booms I pull my hands away from the keyboard like it's a dead cat. Whoa, did the lights just flicker? Usually weather like this just blows over. This has been here for a while now. Holy shit! The delivery truck parked across the street's door just flew open! If I was a nice person, I'd go try to close it. But am I going to go get soaked? Hell no.)

Anyways, back to writing- it doesn't come as easy now. I used to write funny stuff in grade school, (or, what I remember being funny. I was in fourth grade.) but after they quit stressing the importance of writing in junior high school, I had to rely on my mouth to say funny stuff. Which is why I've become such a smart ass with a big mouth- WOW! I just made an important self-discovery! I am the way I am because of the educational system. It's not my fault.

I did get a 6 on the Florida Writes in eighth grade, which is the highest you can get. It was such a stupid topic. Should students be allowed to work in groups? I said no, even though I don't care.

As for drawing, well, that's a whole different cup of tea. I don't even consider it drawing. It's doodling with style. With a lot of song lyrics thrown in there. Thank God for music.

(OK, weather is getting too creepy. Good-bye.)

Monday, July 09, 2007

Just two quick things to say:

-I heard "Arms Wide Open" by Creed today at work. That song is just begging to have a parody of it written.

and

-What is the deal with McDonald's drinking straws?! Geezy petes, the diameter on those things is 5 millimeters! (Yes, I measured.) Just give me a damn PVC pipe, why don't you?

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Am I crazy for kinda wanting to see the new Transformers movie?

Because I kinda want to see the new Transformers movie. It looks like it might be pretty good. When I first saw the trailer in theatres, they didn't show actual actors in it, so I kinda automatically thought it was going to be some animated, voice-over crap. But with the recent trailers out, I'm thinking differently. Louis Stevens and That One Chick might make it a cool movie.

I'm totally anti-robot, but if I can watch Louis Stevens and That One Chick defeat them, I'm all in. Optimus Prime, you're going down.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Me: Hey, add Michael Moore to my List Of People I Will Punch In The Face If I Ever See Them On The Street*.

Mom: Michael Moore, why?

Me: Because he's Michael Moore.

Mom: Ahh, yes.



*other occupants on the list are Bill O'Reilly, the infamous judge who sued that Chinese/Korean/whatever-who-actually-cares-what-nationality-they-were laundromat, and Dane Cook**.

**Yes, I realize Dane Cook is a really funny guy, but I honestly think the douche bag needs to be socked once or twice. Get him out of his BK Lounge fantasy land.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I just got back from camp. It was fun. We went canoeing and swam in the lake and saw a raccoon and sang lots of fun songs. I really don't have anything to complain about, except for one thing.

I got piss-poor Secret Sister gifts.

At the beginning of camp, you are randonly assigned a camper to give gifts to. Well, the girl giving me gifts obviously had no sense that gift means "something to be appreciated" and not "crap you found at the bottom of your trash can".

I got: a crap mini-bottle of lotion that smelled really bad. (HINT FOR ANYONE ON EARTH: Bath and Body Works is like the Howard Stern of bath products. Nobody likes it, except for a small number of followers, and all of those followers are jackasses.) I got kind of excited when I saw I got a little mini-fan, but guess what? NO BATTERIES. Then I got a nail file. A NAIL FILE. No comment. Then, I got a little... paper... crappy... some folded-up shit, I don't know. She gave it to me the last day and I was like "Oh! Thanks!" She must have found it underneath her bed, some crap left over from the fourth grade or something.

And my best friend, the whole while was receiving boxes of RUSSEL STOVER CHOCOLATES.

I know I am being selfish and ungrateful, but I don't care. I've been holding in this giant complant all week long and I am releasing it now. Good day.

Saturday, June 16, 2007


Mmkay, so, why am I not attracted to Adam Levine?

The lead singer of Maroon 5 (a band that I'm not really a fan of. They had some good songs on their first album, but their new single is kind of weird) is cute. He is. I can look at him and see this. But at the same time, I look at him, and I just go "Ewww..." to myself. Does anyone else get the feeling that he is a giant skeeze? Like, after a show, he hooks up with two groupies in an airport bathroom, and right after zipping up his pants, says something like "Gotta show in San Diego tomorrow. Peace, gals, thanks for the jump start." I can just picture the rest of the band waiting in the airport lobby, one of them going "Where the hell's Adam?" And the other saying "Ugh, is he with the two whores we saw in the front row?" The drummer would just sigh, because drummers are like that, and he gets tired of having to deal with Adam's antics all the time. The other band mates were really hesitant to make a new album, but Adam wouldn't stop whining about it, so they agreed just to shut him up. They were originally going to film the video for "Makes Me Wonder" in New York City, but Adam thought they should film it at the airport, as a little thank-you message to all his bitches and hos. Once again, the drummer sat and sighed, questioning the meaning of life- or more, just questioning himself, Why am I friends with this asshole? After the release of their new single, the other band mates had all agreed to quit. They were going to start their own band, Aubergine 4, with the drummer as the lead singer, because drummers are cool and do unexpected things like that. Aubergine 4's plans with cancelled once they found out that on the tour, they'd be opening up for The Police. Damn you, Police, they all thought. Why must you be brilliant living legends? Aubergine 4 still plans to desert Adam after the summer tour.

But in the mean time, Adam is still a skeeze.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Anytime someone says that they don't like fart jokes, because they are "childish" or "stupid" or whatever I get a little mad. Because if someone farts and you don't laugh, something is wrong with you.

That being said, I bequeath unto you... Fart Lost.



I about peed myself watching this.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Okay. I totally do not like Fountains of Wayne, I want to clarify that right now. Ever since that "Stacy's Mom" song came out, I've been strongly opposed.

However.

I do love this song/video. I saw it on Vh1 this morning and had to watch the whole thing. I love the song- it sounds kind of retro and it's ironically upbeat. The video rocks. The bits with the band in it, with all the cheesy colorful lights in the background makes me laugh. And the best part? Demetri Martin is in it. He's one of my favorite comedians.

Also, I like songs that tell action, exactly what's going on. And this one tells that Demetri puts Coldplay on. (COLDPLAY ROCKS.)

By the end of this three-and-a-half minute song, you're rooting for Demetri and the girl to get together! It's ridiculous! It's melancholy, bittersweet, and really awesome. Watch it.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

I'm not one to blog about Hollywood-gossip type crap, but I just have to say:


Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are the weirdest, cutest couple ever.

That's all.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

We recently got Photoshop.

I'm going to spare all the details and just say, I have no clue how to use it and I've been trynig to figure it out lately.

All the tutorials on the interweb are complete crap. They say things like "Go to the layering tab and click the gradient release button, then choose your saturation setting and set that as your third layer." AS IF I KNOW WHAT ALL THAT MEANS. I need a tutorial that says stuff like "See that button right underneath that button that looks sort of like some old lady's arthritic hand? That's the text button."

I do know, however, how to download and use different brushes. It's so much fun. I don't really know how they'll serve any purpose in the future, but they sure are fun to work with. Here are some I've been playing with. (Click any picture to see it in better detail.)




Some dead trees. Looks pretty sweet, no?




These were labeled "Japanese Foliage", but they look more Hawaiian to me. Either way, they're cool looking.



Some vintage doll things. I have no idea why I downloaded these. I guess they're kinda cool.






I got these because they remind me a lot of John Mayer's Jimi Hendrix Monterey Pop Strat guitar, which is my favorite of his.






My mom really liked these. (Of course, she's impressed by anything computer programs can do, so...) Wouldn't these look pretty on wedding invitations?




Wednesday, May 23, 2007







Oh, excitement bubbles inside of me like lava in a volcano. 2 hours of the best show on television. Jack telling Kate he loves her? YES.

I highly doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Bummer I gotta wait 8 months for Season 4 to start.



If I could live off of any food for the rest of my life, it would definitely be smoothies.


I've decided they are, by far, the best ever created food product. They are the more intelligient, high-class, second-cousin of the Ice Cream Cone. Refreshing and smooth, delicious any time.


Just looking at the picture on the right is making my mouth water, and I just ate a smoothie, like two minutes ago. (Strawberry-Banana. Classic.)


I'm going to waste a lot of money this summer on smoothies. It's sad, but at the same time, very nice. Anything can be going wrong in your life, but if you're drinking a smoothie, things seem a bit better.


I love you, Smoothies.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

My sister recently got a longboard skateboard from her friend. She's learning to ride it well enough to ride it to work.

I was outside with her today, messing around. She is good- and by good, I mean, she gets enough speed and stays on the board without falling off. (We're nowhere even near Tony Hawk status yet.)

I fell. Twice. The first time I was rolling into some leaves, but couldn't stop the board soon enough. I did the sort of banana-peel-slip and fall. The board went sailing ahead of me while my butt landed, luckily, on the leaves. I was safe.

The second time I was going pretty good. I had a nice amount of momentum and I could guide the board left and right. I went to put my foot down and get more speed, and apparently my ankle slipped or something, because the board rolled away, and I landed Indian-style on the asphalt. I could hardly even walk after that.

I am so weak. Now I remember why I hate, HATE, HATE sports.

(My knee is still pretty sore, by the way. Who the heck invented the skateboard? What on Earth were they thinking? "Hey, let's put a piece of wood on some wheels, it will be the most awesome thing ever. You will be completely dependent on your own center of gravity, and if you fall, everyone will laugh at you. Also, you'll be in severe pain, because it will be uncool to wear knee pads and helmets.")

Monday, May 14, 2007

I was walking to my locker with my friend this morning before the first period bell rang, and noticed a ratty old green sofa on the grass next to a no-longer-used portable classroom building.

That's strange, I thought as I continued walking into the building.

The bell rang. I starting going towards my first period class, Art History. I was about to enter the building when I noticed a bunch of fishing wire piled on the sidewalk. I narrowed my brow once again in curiosity, but quickly forgot about it.

It wasn't until second period, English, that we were informed that the sofa + fishing wire was leftover from the senior prank. Apparently they put the sofa on the roof. And tied fishing wire around the sidewalk poles. Ha ha?

One year, they placed sod along all the sidewalks and put lawn chairs on the side. Another time they hung bras all over the class, as in "Class of '03 is bustin' out". Another senior class strategically covered the band seats of the bleachers with garbage bags to spell out "'98".

My favorite cousin is a senior. (Don't act like you don't have a favorite.) I feel very bad for him. Now, he's a member of the class that put a sofa on the roof. And tied up some wires.

...ha ha?

Friday, May 11, 2007

The Persistence of Memory, by Salvador Dali

Actual conversations from school

Lilly: What's the date?

Me: The eleventh.

Lilly: *long pause* What month?

Me: ...May.

Lilly: *sigh*

Me: It's that time of the year, isn't it, Lilly?

Lilly: ...Yes.

Indeed, it is that time of year. Summer vacation starts in a week and a half, and we're at the point where nobody cares about anything. We fail projects and get detention and do things we normally do, except without a care in the world. And I'm just a freshman- seniors have got it even worse:

Trevor: Can I draw on the board?

Ms. Breen: No.

Trevor: Jake gets to!

Ms. Breen: He's a senior, you're a sophomore.

Trevor: *sigh* Jack, you're a senior. Go draw on the board.

Jack: Are you kidding me? I can't draw; I can barely even read!

It sucks, because finals are coming up, and for the past 3 weeks, nobody's been paying attention to hardly anything:

Mr. Reed: Here's a review packet for your final.

Me: We've got a final in here?!

Mr. Reed: Uh, yeah.

Me: Since when?

Mr. Reed: It's been on the board the whole week!

Me: Oh, Mr. Reed, I stopped reading stuff, like, the beginning of April.

We're all a bit more easily provoked:

Brandon: What are you listening to on your iPod? I can hear it.

Me: JET.

Brandon: Who listens to JET anymore?

Me: Obviously me, jackass!

And we've all got to find some way to relieve boredom:

-in the lobby, at the gym-

Becca: *throws Fireball candy at brick wall, Fireball bounces back*

Me: Oh, you almost got it!

Dalton: *walks in* What are you guys doing?

Me: Who-can-break-the-Fireball-first.

(I ended up winning, by the way. I aimed for the wall, and hit the glass door. It shattered loudly, and we all thought I broke the glass door.)

And screw going to college and becoming a doctor, we've all got different career plans in mind:

Billy: Being a hitman would be so awesome.

Me: Oh, I've thought about it.

Billy: Yeah, except now the government says you have to be 18 or older!

Me: *shakes head*

Billy: Damn government.

Me: The root of all problems.

Summer vacation starts May 22nd at 12:31 pm. You can bet I'll be running, listening to No Such Thing by John Mayer as loudly as possible, singing along at the top of my lungs- "I wanna run through the halls of my high school, I wanna scream at the top of my lungs!"...


Wednesday, April 11, 2007



















Today in English we demonstrated using pie charts who's to blame for the whole tragedy of Romeo and Juliet was.

My chart looked like the one above. Other people did Romeo as 25% to blame, Juliet 25%, Friar Laurence 20%, etc. Not me. It's split between the two of them. Both Romeo and Juliet were idiots. You can't talk to someone for five minutes and decide you are in love with them. It doesn't happen.

So I drew this on the board, and went off about how idiotic they were- "That's stupid! They talked for five minutes and decided to get married! What a bunch of morons- nobody is to blame for this 'tragedy' besides the two fools themselves." (I said something of that manner.)

I love expressing my opinion. It is one thing that I know nobody can steal from me.

As I took my seat, most people were laughing at my rant. Except for one person, who I heard say,

"She put fear in my heart."

I don't know who said that. But I want them to know, that made my day. That's not something that is a usual, day-to-day activity. "So how was your day, Mary?" "Oh, you know, went to school, put fear in someone's heart, the usual."

Saturday, April 07, 2007



I love Vault energy soda.

I love pretty much everything about it: the taste, the after-effects, the price. I've tried a few energy drinks, and Vault is the only one that doesn't leave a weird taste in my mouth or make me pass out. I hate Red Bull; I think it tastes about the same as someone sticking their foot in your mouth. (Literally, not metaphorically.) Rockstar energy drink smells delicious, but if I drank an entire can of that stuff, I'd probably end up dancing naked on the imaginary rainbow that smashed through my window.

I like soda, which is probably the main reason I like Vault. I drink a lot of soda- too much, actually. I'm positive that if I didn't drink so much of it, I'd be twenty pounds lighter. (And no, I don't drink that diet watered-down syrupy excuse for soda.) However, soda, like many other foods and drinks, gives me bad ass heartburn. (Chinese food is magnificent, but 90% of the time, I end up curled up in the fetal position on my couch moaning in pain after my chicken lo mein digests.) Root beer and I do not get along. Pepsi makes me feel a little icky, too. I usually ignore it with soda, though, because soda is just too delicious to just not drink only because my stomach aches a little.

I once drank six bottles of orange soda at a friend's birthday and threw up, and had to leave. (Aren't I a wonderful pal?) This was a few years ago. Now, if I seriously try, I can deal with such situations. Toss me eleven Cokes and I'll chug em like nothing else.

Anyway, my point is, Vault doesn't give me heartburn.

Even the Vault commercial is awesome. "Drinks like a soda, kicks like an energy drink", then some guy screams "VAULT!!!"

I drank one Vault soda at 9 pm one time and was up until 4 am. I could've stayed up longer, too, but nothing was on television and I was bored. So let's break this down:

I was up for around seven hours- 420 minutes. There are 20 ounces in a bottle of Vault. That's 21 minutes of energy in one ounce of Vault. Screw physics and dogs dialing 911 when their owners have a stroke, that kind of stuff blows my mind. They need to market Vault in tiny, one ounce containers, for when you just need 20 more minutes of energy to finish a term paper, or you could down 3 of those babies to stay awake in church.

I get Vault from either Publix or the local candy store. One bottle is usually $1.20 or so. More breaking down- that's 6 cents for one ounce. 6 cents for 21 minutes of energy. I don't need drugs- I can just drink ten bottles of Vault and I will get the same effect.

*This post brought to you by Vault Energy Soda, my iPod (which, coincidentally, is playing "After Midnight" by Eric Clapton), and Late Night with Conan O'Brien- three great ingredients to keep you up at night.

Monday, March 26, 2007


Did you know that a blood diamond...






...is actually a pink diamond?




Yeah, the movie doesn't sound so manly anymore, does it?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


On January 25th, 2007, I was lucky enough to be graced with tickets to one of the greatest musicians of our time- John Mayer.

Now, I know John gets a lot of crap- mostly he is poked fun at for his Room for Squares days. (Yeah, yeah, Your Body Is A Wonderland was hilarious.) But if you are driving down the highway and don't sing along to Why Georgia, something is seriously wrong with you.

His sophmore album Heavier Things really collided his two styles of music- pop-fluff, and serious rocking out. (Bigger Than My Body is a personal favorite.)

Now his new album Continuum has been on shelves for a while now, and it is simply amazing. You know how on every album, there's a song you don't particularly care for? Well, for me, there isn't one song that I skip when listening.

And my favorite part about this new album is the sheer genius of not only the guitar and whatnot, but how he got there: he has beat the system. And by the system, I mean they. You know, The Man. This new album is a way of him saying, "Hey, I totally fooled you guys. You thought I was just a fluffy crooning balladeer, but HA! I only did that stuff to get your attention. Check this out, bitches- I'm seriously going to rock your mind."

And somehow, I am no longer wearing pants by the end of Slow Dancing In A Burning Room.

(Just kidding.)

I went to the concert that kicked off his winter tour. It truly was the best night of my life. John talks with the crowd, which I love. He talked about how he learned to make stir-fry over his break, and how now, it was time to "get down". He opened up with "Vultures". I originally had "VULTURES" written on a sign in black marker, but ditched the sign before leaving the house. So of course I was thrilled.

All night long, beautiful notes emitted from his guitars- (he used many, including my favorite, the one my friends and I call the Dr. Seuss guitar.)

I screamed all night long, and without a doubt, I bothered those around me. In fact, the lady that was originally sitting next to me switched seats with her boyfriend because I was too rambunctious. Dancing is something I never thought I could do- actually, now that I think about it, I was probably doing some sort of Elaine dance- but I boogied throughout it all. (Did I just say "boogied"?)

He ended with "In Repair". I shed a few tears, mostly from happiness. When the lights finally came up and everyone was filing out, a man a couple rows ahead of me sarcastically asked "Did you have fun?" I grinned and shouted "HELL YES!"


That was in January. I left wanting more.

So last week, I joined the Local-83 Listener's Union and bought tickets to his Atlanta show. I am in the fifth row. I am overjoyed. It's in August though, so I've got quite a while to wait.

I'm just so excited.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

English teacher: ...so the schedule for those days is going to be a little weird, because of all the picky and inexplacative stuff going on.


Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "inexplacative" as... wait, no, they don't define it at all, because it's not a word.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007



iPod owners will nod their head if they read this: When your iPod gets a scratch, a little part of you dies inside.


My kangaroo pocket on my hoodie recently tore. I usually keep my iPod in that pocket. I had forgotten about the tear, and was running down the sidewalk when I heard something fall to the ground and skid.


It's not like some huge Edward Scissorhands gash across the screen- only the corners of the entire iPod are chipped. The color came off. I don't think I've ever gasped so loud in my life.


I wanted a case for it a long time ago. I went to Target, but they had pretty much none left.


I carry my iPod around everywhere I go, more than most people I know. I walk into each class with it on, take it off during lessons, and afterwards it's back on. People say I'm glued to it.


Stupid tear in hoodie. Stupid sidewalk. Stupid scratches.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


I am an easily frightened person. By that, I don't mean that I'm scared by monsters and whatnot... I'm just easily frightened by unexpected circumstances.

It's gotten worse over time, not better like I'd expect. A loud noise, someone suddenly entering a room, a telephone call- it can be anything. And I don't just jump a little bit, I scream. Loud.

My mom owns a candle shop. Sometimes I'll watch it while she's out. I'll be sitting at the computer or whatever, and someone can just open the door to browse around the store, and I'll scream my head off, simply because I didn't expect them to come through the door.

Last night my mom was picking me up, and as I went to open the front door of the car, she said "Get in the back". I screamed. I guess the only reason why I screamed is because I wasn't expecting her to say anything, or something.

I haven't actually had this problem a long time, maybe only a couple years. It is embarrassing when someone gives me that "What the heck is wrong with you?" look. And replying "It happens a lot" doesn't seem to make the matter any better.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I like to draw. Actually, I like to doodle. I'm bad at drawing. Doodling is great because it's not meant to be life-changing art of any kind, and when people see your doodles they know that. If you draw a bad picture, some critical people *ahem* might say it's not good. But if someone sees your doodle, you don't get bad criticism.

I waste a lot of my notebook paper by doodling cartoons too much. I've got papers spilling out of my locker, full of pointless crap that is the result of sheer boredom. Sometimes they'll fall out of my binder and people will pick them up, view them, and say they're funny.

Natalie Dee is an influence on my art. Check out her cartoons are NatalieDee.com. Bill Watterson is also. He used to draw the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip.

Anyway, I make some of my cartoons on the computer. Here is my latest one.



I don't know where the idea of a girl talking to Jesus via telephone came from. But I like to jot down these ideas before they disappear forever.
I was pleasantly surprised this morning when I opened my e-mail, and saw that my good friend Courtney sent me this:




It's supposed to be me, of course. I love how my bow-shaped crimson lips bring out my lovely crap brown eyes.

Thanks Courtney!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Let's get something straight, right now.

It's not spelled "definately". It's not spelled "defiantly". It's not spelled "defenitly".

If you are 12 or older and spell this word wrong, shame on you.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007


When I watched my little cousins on New Year's Eve, it was not bad at all. We played a few games, then they watched some movies while I watched television in the other room.


One of the games we played was Dolls. They dragged me into the room and introduced me to all of the Barbies. As for "playing Dolls" goes, they knew what to do. Go to beach parties in the Barbie Jeep, and ride away on Sparkle the Magic Horse. They really wanted me to play with them, but I honestly had no idea what to do. I never played with dolls when I was their age. I wasn't a girly-girl, I was more of a stuffed animal kind of kid. So they kept telling me, "Play with us! Play with Necklace!" (Necklace was the name of the doll they gave me.) The only thing I knew to do was move the doll's hands around and say in a high-pitched voice, "Hey, what's your name?"


Later, they moved the dolls into the living room, where both girls started playing on their own. I sat on the couch and watched.


Grace, the older cousin by 2 years, did the stereotypical Barbie play: go to the ball, dress up, ride horses. I heard the dialouge, stuff like "Do you want to ride to the park in my Jeep?"; "Sure, I'd love to, but let's dance first."


Then I watched Emma, the littler cousin. When she played with the Barbies, her actions were a bit different. She made the Ken doll make out with Barbie, and she also had all of her Barbies devoured by a shark. I heard her say, "Look out, don't step on the blood on the ground!"


I can't help but think that if I did play with Barbies when I was little, I would have played the same way Emma did. It made me wonder if Emma will grow up to be a cynical wise ass like me. But, you never can tell. You can just hope for the best.